THOUGHTS ON: WORKING WITH YOUR FRIENDS...& HAVING THE BALLS TO CALL IT QUITS

PHOTOGRAPHER: THE ETERNAL CHILD

You know those times where your parents give you like, the 3 main tips to become a successful person and you don't listen then find yourself awkwardly telling them about how it didn't work out?

I feel like the three from my parents were

1. Don't rely on anyone to do ANYTHING for you.

2. Don't date a baseball player (idk why my dad had a thing against me dating baseball players haha).

3. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.

Over time I learned that the excuse "THEY said they we're going to do it" began to completely back fire, I striked out not one but TWO baseball players, and I always found myself biting my tongue.

Then there's the "rules of life" that everyone from your parents to the random barista repeat to you over and over and over again until your ears bleed. One of those being, DON'T work with your friends.

Right? You hear so many horror stories about it. Friendships crashing and burning like it's fucking world war 3, old people talking about what happened when they worked with their friends back in '58 and how they still hold a grudge. 

But still, I did it. And for a long time, I FREAKING LOVED IT. 

I worked with two of my best friends (who I'm still best friends with HOLLA). We were the perfect trio. We met up all the time to work on our blog, create content, go to meetings, eat, sleep, drink, EVERYTHING. 

We were always talking about where we saw ourselves in 5-10 years, what we wanted to turn our business into, what kinds of people we wanted to talk to and how we wanted to go about everything. 

BUT. There came a point where I personally started to feel....like I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing. 

I started to feel like our schedules between the three of us was too much to try and keep up with and that I was sort of just falling out of love with everything that we had talked about.

OBVIOUSLY this made me feel weird, sad, confused, torn, and almost angry? I wanted things to work out but I felt like it just had been too much work with not enough of me focusing on what I wanted to be focusing on.

I know that probably sounds selfish..which is why I sat on this feeling for a YEAR.

AN ENTIRE YEAR of me feeling like I didn't know which direction I was supposed to be going in. A year of confusion, of trying to see how I could make our business work out along with what I wanted to do...IT. WAS. STRESSFUL.

If it had been some random people that I had met and we started a little business and I was losing heart for it, I think it would have been a lot easier to bring up my feelings, but it was my best friends. SO, I did one of the things that my parents always told me not to do, and I stayed quiet. 

I started working on my own thing as I continued to work with the girls, thinking that maybe I could do both. But then I found (and they started to realize) that I was more focused and determined to do what I needed to do for myself. 

AND I WAS HAVING FUN DOING IT. 

Of course then things slowly started to collide. Little arguments were happening and I KNEW I had to just spit it out and say that this thing that the three of us had spent 2 years trying to create wasn't going to happen with me in it. 

BUT I JUST COULD NOT FUCKING SPIT IT OUT!

I felt like I was ruining everything, I felt like I was giving up, failing, and I obviously didn't want my friends to be upset with me nor did I want to make them angry so I stayed quiet.

Everyone would tell me, "You have to focus on yourself", and "They're you're best friends, they're going to understand". I knew it was starting to take over my entire mind when I realized that I was trying to get advice on what to do from anyone that would listen.

Want to know what finally made me make the move?

3 Months in to 2016 I started reading a book called, THE TOP 5 REGRETS OF THE DYING by Bronnie Ware. I had seen her as a guest on Marie Forleo's YouTube and I was just so fascinated by her. 

She was this very intriguing older woman who was explaining that she grew up working as a care taker for the elderly. But I'm talking like VERY ELDERLY, like on their way out elderly. 

She said that she had spoke with so many dying people that she started to see a pattern of the things that they would say they regretted, hence the title. 

So that pretty much just slapped me in the face.

Also, regret #1 (sorta):

I say sorta because the girls only expected of me what I said I would deliver, but it was the fact that SOMETHING was telling me that I wasn't meant to be doing that anymore and didn't have the heart to say it that was killing me. 

So to read that these were two of THE TOP 5 regrets coming from people who are about to pass away and are really contemplating their lives, was a litttttttle bit of a wake up call and a notice to grow some balls.

I remember that after a nice night of shopping and grabbing dinner, I decided to tell one of the girls what I had been thinking, over a nice big bowl of ramen. Nice right?

It's our favorite ramen spot and I totally ruined dinner.

Tears we're falling into my soup like some old episode of Laguna Beach, I just blurted out that I needed to talk to her after a good laugh with no smoothness AT ALL, and I was balling like a damn baby.

#TRUETALK.

I told her that I had been thinking about this talk for forever and that it was NOT easy for me and that I felt horrible, I didn't know how to tell her blah blah blahhh. It was horribly awkward and then I pretty much just lingered in my room for the rest of the night. 

I just sat there waiting and waiting and waiting for the feeling of relief to finally come rolling over me. It didn't. I woke up in the morning, still nothing. 

I went to san diego for 2 days to clear my head...STILL NOTHING. 

I started thinking that I had totally fucked up everything and I hadn't even told my other friend personally yet. Just really screwing up everywhere, having one of those 'what am I doing with my life' moments.

Then came the big talk with the three of us, mind you this was like 2 weeks later. It was also horrible. Feelings came out and things were said while other things were just heard and hard to register but all in all, it was shitty AF.

It was pretty much everything I was trying to avoid for a year all exploding right in front of me.

But guess what...

Just like with everything else, I started to feel better with time. We all did, and it was EPIC. We all started to realize that that was the decision that needed to be made in order for all us to be happier, we just didn't know it because things were never really THAT BAD.

It was all based off a little feeling I had that it just WASN'T what I was supposed to be doing. That's it. 

Is this all making sense?

If you're doing something, especially if it's something sensitive like working with a friend or a family member and you're not 100% happy, you need to just speak up.

I promise you will feel so much better. You won't feel better right away, but you will sooner than later, and you will be so happy that you made that decision for yourself. 

Same goes for being in an unhappy relationship. 

I remember I wanted to break up with one of my exes because I just wasn't into it anymore but he didn't really do anything that drastic.

I know you've done it too. 

But that's obviously not the way to handle things. And if you're wanting to actually KEEP a relationship with the person or the people you are having trouble with, then that's REALLY not the way to do it. 

Also, I think talking to other people helped me A LOT. Mainly because I get annoyed when someone tells me their same problem like 8 jillion times and I didn't want to be one of those people.

Once I pretty much talked to everyone in my life about it like twice I realized that I had to do something about it. 

NOW, this isn't to say that working with your friends is a bad thing!! I have plenty of friends that I work with now and it's so much fun!! But it's more of working with them in a collaborative sense rather than a full on 50/50 partnership. 

What are your guys' thoughts?? Comment below or e-mail me! Would love to share thoughts with you!

xoxo

DON'T POINT OUT YOUR OWN "FLAWS"

Okay, Imagine that you just started dating a guy and you are just head over heels for him. You don't see anything wrong with him, you think he's gorg from hair to toe, he doesn't annoy you and you just love being around him..

k?

Now imagine that every time you hang out with this guy you notice that he talks about or mentions or complains about his teeth.

Maybe they're not the straightest but you never noticed. If anything I'm sure you thought it was cute and different that they weren't perfectly straight. You didn't really give a shit.

But he keeps on talking about it and talking about it and examining them and gets self cautious about them.

What do you start to notice?

His teeth.

Maybe, you start to think to yourself...oh yeah...I guess his teeth are kind of bad.

or, I think I actually prefer to have someone with straight teeth.

Whatever. You get the idea.

Something that you never even noticed before or maybe even liked, now has become something that you notice.

You look to see if they've tried to do something different, you notice now if they're whiter, or straighter. Shit you might even be counting them by now.

GIRLS. GIRLLLLLLLS DO THIS CRAP ALLLLL THE TIMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

""

- I have an ugly stomach

- I hate this scar right here

- My ears are SO big

- My second toe is bigger than my big toe

- My face is fat

- My arms are so chubby

- I'm a bitch

- I'm spoiled

- I'm ugly

- My legs are seriously DISGUSTING.

""

HOLY SHIT RIGHT?

These are all things i've heard girls say about themselves. IT'S HORRIBLE.

They pick at themselves over and over and over again and declare statements about themselves that aren't true.

They say it so much that people around them start to see those things and take notice of them.

Here's another example.

Picture a girl at a pool party that is very overweight, but she's happy. She's a GOOD TIME, she's nice, she's laughing, she compliments others, she isn't afraid to eat by the damn pool or get her hair wet.

COMPARED TO

A girl who is very overweight at a pool party who is covering up her stomach, complaining about the way she looks, refusing to eat, talking down on other girls because they are thinner than her.

Even though something may even be obvious, the less you point it out, the less people care!

And I don't mean, pointing out the obvious...

Like telling everyone a million times that you don't care about your weight or your look or your attitude or whatever. 

I mean, just not even bringing it up.

If you don't care, then don't talk about it.

Easy right?

Even if you DO CARE. Try just not complaining about it or pointing it out to people and see how you feel.

Not to necessarily hide your feelings but to build up confidence within yourself.

I've noticed this so much since I've moved to LA and it is seriously DRAINING.

Everyone has a complaint, no one is satisfied, girls are LITERALLY staring at themselves for SOOO long pointing out each and every thing.

It's unattractive you know?

At least if you don't like something then shut up about it, fix it, or get over it and move on.

I'm sorry if that's harsh but seriousllllly, no one cares as much as you do until you POINT IT OUT 5 MILLIONS TIMES.

Be confident. Be happy. Take what you have and roll with it. I'm sure there's THOUSANDS of girls out there who would kill to be you.

Okay the rant is over.

Love you guys. 

Talk tomorrow. 

FIND OUT WHY I PUT CUPPING IN THE GIRL TALK SECTION ;)

Alright you guys, I FINALLY WENT AND DID IT.

I don't have the worst back on the planet but maybe like the 8th worst. 

My grandma gave my mom scoliosis who then passed it along to me and my younger sister so that's been fun. I feel it everyday, in everything I do and it drives me f-innnggggggg insane, like you have no idea.

I feel it in my hips, in my ribs, in my shoulders, my knees, like it's horrible. Especially because I'm so in tune with my body it ESPECIALLY drives me nuts. I know I can't totally fix my spine but I'm playing around with different things to see how they at least help it.

I tried a bunch of different chiropractors but that was just way too intense and didn't really seem to be helping me personally.

I have been doing some aerial yoga which has been AMAZING (thanks class pass) but I have been dying to see how I would respond to things like acupuncture and cupping.

I still have to make an appointment for acupuncture but I finally went to my cupping appointment and it, was, fucking, magical.

Okay so WHY CUPPING, right?

Cupping is a traditional Chinese practice and I am SO into Japanese & Chinese medicine right now (I need to finish my China Study Book). I feel like they just really have their shit together and really sort of just get the whole health thing. 

So basically the whole process is about 20 minutes. You walk into a room that looks like it wants you to take a nap in it, get in a backless gown (not a cute one) and lie face down.

In my case, the doctor came in and immediately felt my shoulders and noticed that I hold all my stress in my traps. She lightly pressed her fingers down my spine and also noted that I am tight right in the middle of my back where emotions are held so she wanted to release those. 

Crazy right? I love this stuff.

So she put the cups all along my spine but it didn't hurt at all I promise. It felt a little awkward but it was also SUPER RELAXING.

She just had me lay there for 15 minutes before coming back in and taking them off. She asked me if I eat clean because my spots weren't as red as most so that was nice!

But as suspected, as you can tell in the picture, one of my most colorful circles was right at my left shoulder blade (I tense up there ALL THE TIME) and then surprisingly my other dark one was in my kidney area. She suggested more water so we'll see if it's lighter next time I go in, like next week!

So what is cupping doing exactly??

So when you get a massage you know how they also give you a glass of water after? That's because while they are hitting all those sore muscles, they are releasing toxins into your body that have been locked up in your muscles.

The water helps to flush them out through your urine BUT in cupping, instead of the toxins being pushed around within your body they are being pulled straight out from your skin. (Our skin is the largest organ we have for detoxing).

This is why the discoloration occurs and why some spots are darker than others. You still need to MAKE SURE  though that you drink plenty of water afterwards. 

During the cupping process, more blood begins to circulate through those toxic areas which is EPIC!! This releasing tightness, obviously improves circulation and then removes those toxins so it's all just wonderful.

Okay - why is this in the girl talk section?

Haha okay guys so I don't know if you've ever done or heard of cryotherapy before but I did it one time (you basically just stand in this freeeeezing ass tube for 2 minutes - it improves circulation and gives you energy...) and when I walked out of that thing I. was. horny. AF. haha too much?

When our circulation is sent into overdrive like that it's natural to feel that way, that's also why we get that rush of lasting energy.

So TODAY sure enough we leave the cupping appointment and I felt pretty good, but about 10 minutes later, SAME THING. haha It is INSANE. Like INSAAAAAAANE. 

Not to mention, I'm on like 5 hours of sleep and I feel like I'm now moving 8 million miles an hour, cleaning, cooking, organizing, my mind is clear, I'm energized but not in a jittery way.

I'm noticing even as I sit at this computer that my shoulders aren't trying to creep up by my ears like they normally do, it's glorioussssss.

Uhm so yeah, it was awesome, I already have another appointment set up and I can't wait to try acupuncture. 

Any thoughts? Leave them below!

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MY EXPERIENCE WITH SWITCHING FROM THE PILL TO THE IUD...

OK. Lets just get right to it.

I used to do the depo shot and it completely messed up my cycle and it involved getting a shot in my ass every 3 months so I ditched that and moved to the pill. The pill was whatever but I seriously ALWAYS forgot. Like I would take 3 in a day. Then my cycle was obviously all messed up again and my mood was all overrrr the place.

I talked to my doctor and she said that the IUD might be a good option for me so I talked to some of my friends who has gotten it first and all the stories were pretty much horrid. 

Worst pain of their entire lives kind of horrid. BUT they said after a few months you're all good to go - like good to go for 5-10 freaking years depending on whether you get the copper one (non hormonal) or the Mirena which HAS hormones. 

I went in wanting the copper one because I didn't like the idea of adding hormones to my body but since I'm anemic the doc said I need to get the Morena. I talked to her though about the hormones and she said that the hormones are not released throughout your entire body, they are just released in the cervix and that's it.

I decided to move forward with it and went in for my appointment. So this is kinda gross but - she said to come in WHILE I was on my next cycle. Likeeee ew really? haha BUT her reasoning was that our cervix isn't as tight while we on our cycle so it would be easier to insert the IUD. so WHATEVER. 

So I go in, lay on the bed ASS NAKED super awkward and they TRY to put in this damn thing and seriously like we are just NOT meant to feel what I felt. I don't want to give you too many details but basically, she couldn't get it in because my cervix was still too tight.

I WAS PISSED.

I had to make ANOTHER EFFING DOCTORS APPOINTMENT, and to be even more honest I had taken 1/2 a xanex before I got there because I heard the stories of how bad it hurt and I needed a little help RELAXING.

Welp. My appointment got cut short obviously and then I was lazy AF for the rest of the day. 

Alright now pay attention. So doc gives me some pills before I leave and ALL SHE TELLS ME is " Here, take these pills about an hour before your next appointment. They're just going to help expand your cervix." THAT WAS IT. Okay cool whatever.

Couple weeks later, wake up yayyy I'm finally getting this birth control blah blah take my 2 pills and a few minutes later I just felt really relaxed. (Pills were called MISOPROSTOL btw). So I'm like coooool doctor totally feels me on the relaxation thing & this is gunna be a breeze.

HAHAHAH. no.

Probably 5 minutes after taking these pills, I felt a SUPER DEEP HORRIBLE pain what felt like 8 feet behind my belly button. I was curled up in a ball on my bed and COULD NOT MOVE. Best part? I had to drive 45 minutes to my appointment. I can't even explain how bad it hurt. I was walking to my car bent over, no one else could drive me so I was screwed and wanted to DIE.

Literally on the way out of my complex I went over 2 speed bumps and had to get out of the car because I felt like I was going to throw up. I stayed hunched over the entire way to the doctors office which took forever in LA traffic.

When I went in for the procedure the pain had finally subsided and you can imagine how scared I was for the actual insertion. (I'll take wine, Tequilla, & Xanax please thanks!)

But - the actual procedure was actually a breeze and took no more than 10 minutes total. 

So I don't know if the pain I felt on the way there compares to the pain you feel during insertion if your cervix isn't dialated but I would imagine it is. 

So the first week after I was on a light cycle for about 10 days. ANNOYING.

Then for the first three months I was getting my period just whenever my body felt like having one which seemed like twice a month. Also annoying. BUT, now I can honestly say that it is AMAZING not having to worry about taking the pill or scheduling doctors appointments AND my period actually stopped! I spot like once a month for 2-3 days MOST and thats it. 

Giving all my tampons to my roomate was prettttty sweet.

Have you guys had the IUD? What do you think?

xoxo CR