Alright – what’s up ya’lllll. So if you guys follow me on insta you might have seen a couple of my posts about me making the spontaneous decision to chop all of my hair off haha.
The last time I cut my hair super short (think like shoulder length), I was in 10th grade and i basically wanted to die afterwards. i kept it up as much as possible and never cut it short again. Fast forward to this week when I randomly decided to hit up my hair dresser and asked her to take it all off again.
I know this blog could potentially sound boring, but I promise, there’s a point behind all of this that I really want to share with you guys and more importantly, I really want to get some feedback from you guys to see if anyone relates.
At this point, I’m sitting here post haircut and JUST NOW trying to figure out where my desire to cut 12 inches off came from. Literally – I asked my hair dresser when the soonest was that she could get me in and she said she just had someone cancel and she could take me that same day.
Like WTF why???
I’m now realizing how powerful this decision was for me and I think I’m grasping where the motivation came from.
I placed SO much of my identity with my hair I think because that’s the one thing I got so many compliments on. It made me feel sexy. I grabbed it in photo shoots, flipped it, played with it, literally every shoot I’ve ever done – the emphasis for me, has been my hair, and maybe a spray tan…
And whenever I would tell someone that I was thinking about cutting it, they would FREAK out. They would 100% tell me not to do it, especially guys.
This is how I know that our hair is SUCH a feminine thing to have. You’re beautiful if you have it and men love it but I suddenly came to realize that BECAUSE of this, I was using my hair as something to sort of hide behind.
I would dress down because I figured I could just do something quick with my hair and look fine. I got lazier with my physical exercise because even with what I do, I felt that as long as my hair looked good then all the focus wouldn’t be on JUST my body.
I also started to think things like, I can’t be SO into street style fashion as I’d like to be because my hair makes me look a little more preppy and now I look like I’m trying to be something that I’m not…when in reality, I’ve always been more of a tomboy than anything.
Of course I’ve learned to love all different types of styles over the last few years but when it comes down to it, I’m way more into a funky t-shirt or button down with some ripped jeans and sneakers that I am a dress with heels.
The challenge for me now is going to be, well, basically everything haha. That might sound crazy to say but when you’ve held on to something for 7 years because you felt it was one of the most “beautiful” parts of you and suddenly get rid of it, there’s this sense of freedom and also nervousness.
What will I look like in shoots? What will I look like naked? What will I look like when I get out of the water at the beach? Or when I go out at night?
Who the fuck knows. Not horrible though lol. I’m obsessed with a little challenge. I will learn how to be more comfortable in my SKIN and I will start to pay more attention to some of thing that I’ve half ass-ing. And most importantly – I will stop hiding behind my hair.
I’d love to know what you guys think about this or if this resonates with any of you.
I LOVE YOUUU!