This time two years ago I think I was just like a lot of other girls out there.
Single, too busy for a boyfriend & left every attempted date with a story…& usually not a good one. Like the guy who forgot to bring his credit card to the bar that he invited me to. Or the guy that took me on a hike and talked about himself the entire time. Then there were the guys in clubs that thought I wanted to strike up a conversation over the bass.
Fast forward two years and I’m now in the most amazing relationship of my life. Granted it’s “only been” 2 years BUT it’s been two years without a single fight or argument. Not one. I’m know it will happen eventually but until then, here’s my two cents on being in a happy relationship, and maintaining it!
1. Don’t be a Bitch to Get Attention:
Too aggressive to start with? For some reason it was the first thing that came to my head. If a guy likes you after you’re always a bitch to him, he doesn’t like you. He’s bored. And as soon as another girl comes around that treats him right, you’ll be old news. Don’t be a bitch for no reason! It’s unattractive and labels the rest of us as crazy.
If your guy does something that you like, be ecstatic about it! Let him know how happy it makes you so he feels good about it and actually WANTS to do it again. If he brings you flowers and your response is, “well you should be bringing me flowers”… you’re probably not getting anymore flowers. If he does something that you don’t like, don’t give him the silent treatment without explaining yourself, don’t call him out on social media or in front of people and DO NOT do to him whatever he did to you just to get back at him. That creates a never ending war and things never get resolved.
Think about what it is that’s annoying you for at least a few days, or longer! Decide if it’s really something to be talked about or if you were just in a bad mood. Then if it is something you want to address, then talk to him calmly. Most likely he doesn’t even know that he’s doing it or that it bothers you because you’ve never told him! Calmly expressing your feelings sets a tone for how you handle things and how you expect him to talk to you if there’s ever something bothering him.
Now this is for the little things that can be solved. If he just cheated on you for the third time then you should probably find a new boyfriend or go solo dolo for a while until you remember how amazing you are and deserve to be treated.
3. Remember: it’s a two way relationship:
I am all about feeling like a princess. I like little surprises, going out to dinner, walking into my room and finding that my bed’s been made and foot massages after work. BUT I think that a lot of girls start to feel very entitled when they get this kind of attention rather than happy and grateful. Then they start to expect this kind of love and respect without having to give anything in return.
I’m not saying that this needs to be some kind of “quid pro quo” situation, but if you’re never doing anything to show your love then it’s discouraging for our guys. Make dinner, pay for brunch, tidy up his room or car, bring him his favorite Hawaiian Bread Rolls and send him a text telling him you’re proud of him. Make anyone feel loved and they will want to give the same feeling back to you!
4. Have your own life:
You were your own person with your own life and busy schedule before you were in a relationship – remember? That’s good! And healthy! Don’t lose sight of that. Even when you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t do everything together because that never gives you time to miss each other or have stories to exchange. This is why we see people on their date nights, not talking to each other and scrolling through their instagram. They’ve been together for the past however many days…they don’t have anything new to share with each other because they’ve been part of all the same daily activities.
When you’re around someone all the time you lose sight of yourself, lose friends, and forget how to be alone. Being able to be alone and like who you are is SO important! Go on a girls trip, go to the gym, start a hobby – anything! Never stop living so that you can settle.
5. Take care of yourself:
I’m sure before you were in a relationship you got your nails done, did face masks, plucked your eyebrows, and worked out. This is probably one reason why you caught your boyfriends attention. Don’t stop doing those things! I think it’s important to stay fresh for the person we are with and I don’t think you should just give up on your appearance because you’re in a relationship. Obviously it’s the best thing ever to be around someone that makes you feel beautiful drake style (sweatpants, hair tie, chillin with no make up on…) but PHYSICALLY take care of yourself and get dressed up every now and thenJ You should want to do this for yourself anyway!
6. Be understanding:
Something else I never got into was the whole “text me before you go to bed thing”. 1. I know I’m not going to text you every night before I go to bed so I’m not going to expect my boyfriend to. 2. There are going to be plenty of nights that I fall asleep early, my phone dies or I go out for drinks and forget. The last thing I want to wake up to at the start of a new potentially amazing day is 100 questions interrogating me about what I did the night before. And 3. I don’t want saying “goodnight” to my boyfriend to feel like a check list item I need to take care of at the end of each day. The whole thing just seems like 9000 arguments waiting to happen.
Another thing…if he can’t stay the night because he wants to go work on perusing his passion whether its drawing, writing, photography, music or whatever, let him! Don’t be the girl that holds someone back from doing what they love. Remember, you each need your own life and hobbies.
7. Don’t show him that you don’t trust him if he hasn’t done anything wrong:
The main thing here being “IF he hasn’t done anything wrong”. Don’t snoop through his phone just because you feel entitled to. Don’t go through his e-mails, don’t make him stop hanging out with his friends that are girls – don’t be your mom to your boyfriend. Having trust is one of the most important things to have in a relationship. Don’t hide anything, don’t lie and don’t assume.
If you’re being truthful and open then you wouldn’t want him to do those things to you right? Treat him how you want to be treated.
8. Support Each other:
The person that you’re with should be just as excited about your goals and dreams as you are. Be helpful to one another and see if there are ways that you can help each other succeed.
9. Pray Together:
One of the biggest things that sets this relationship from my past ones is our shared faith. Knowing that we can ask God for help and pray for one another sets an entirely different tone in the relationship. It’s bigger than just the two of you. You understand that you were brought together by the king of kings and I think that really does something magical to your heart.