I just sat here for way too long trying to think of a better title for this blog but honestly, there’s no good way to talk about it, so we’re just going to roll with it.
Okay – I feel like I’m a sex ed teacher who’s trying to prep herself to talk about some awkward shit.
“So, who here has heard of a colonic?! The process by which a tube is shoved up your ass in order to cleanse out your digestive system…?”
No one? Some of you? Okay cool. Let’s talk.
As part of my two week cleanse that I just finished up recently (and I’m getting ready to do again), I made a bunch of DETOX-ME appointments.
This included everything from facials and massages to infrared sauna sesh’s, yoga, and yeeeuup, you guessed it. COLONICS. Not one, but two.
I’ll be writing more blogs about the benefits of each one of these appointments individually but for today, I figured we would start with the one that I feel like is talked about the least.
A colonic, aka colon hydrotherapy is something that I feel is super necessary to get AT LEAST twice a year BUT I know some models that get it like once a month. More power to ya.
It might sound intimidating and you may have already heard some stories so let me break it down for you.
When you schedule an appointment for a colonic you are basically setting aside 45 minutes of your day to go to a spa like room and meet with a physician who is licensed to do colon hydrotherapy. They will ask you not to eat for 2 hours before your appointment so that you’re not digesting anything during your appointment.
You walk into a room with a vibe that’s like a mesh of your last bikini wax appointment and your upcoming 1 hour massage.
AKA, it’s a relaxing and comfortable vibe with spa music and oil infusers but there’s also a woman there who’s about to be all up in your business.
You just have to think that like, these people do this multiple times a day. SHIT they’re CERTIFIED in this. They don’t mind it, so it’s one of those things where you just gotta chill, take the situation for what it is and just gooo with the flow.
Once you get into your private little spa room, the physician will fill you in on what you’re doing and then ask you to go undress from the waist down and hand you one of those annoying and slightly confusing gowns that are open in the back.
You know which ones I’m talking about? Like the ones from the hospital that have strings in random places and you’re always worried your ass is COMPLETELY hanging out?
Yeah so one of those.
Here’s where it gets a little weird but, fugg it.
She’ll ask you to lie down on your side on the table bed thing and then she’ll (hahah I’m legit laughing as I’m getting ready to type this), she’ll take a little tube, lather it up with some coconut oil and slowly put that in place for you – or she may ask you for your help so that you go at your own pace.
When I say “in place” I mean in your ass – just in case I lost any of you there.
If you can just get past that then you’re gucci. It’s a lot smaller than you probably think.
Then you lie down on your back with blankets over you and your knees bent so that you’re feet are on the table. The physician will likely talk you through everything again just to make sure you’re comfortable and then she will TURN THE WATER ON.
This is a little knob that is on the irrigation system that they use and it just allows water to slowly start to make it’s way through your colon. It feels weird and then you get over it. The therapist will ask you that you just let her know when you feel full and in the mean time she just massages your stomach to get everything to loosen up.
Once you tell her that you feel full meaning you feel like you can’t hold anymore water, she will stop the flow of water and ask you to release. It honestly doesn’t even feel like you have to do anything. She will continue to massage your stomach in a way that pushes everything out.
This is where I felt some cramping but she said that that was the toxins being released and sure enough, you start to see some serious ish flow through the tube.
The first two times she asked me to release there wasn’t much in the tube and I was thinking, damn I eat cleaner than I thought, but that’s because everything needed to be loosened up.
By the third time I noticed that things were really happening. After the fourth time, about 35 minutes in to the appointment, I noticed that my stomach would have some pretty bad cramps and then after I released, I felt my stomach getting flatter and flatter.
Once you feel like you’re no longer experiencing cramps she’ll call it quits and have you wrap up the session by going to the restroom where it’s like one final push.
AFTER the appointment she’ll tell you not to eat anything heavy for the rest of the day.
She also told me (since I was asking 8 billion questions during my appointment) that while colonics of course remove all the horrible toxins that were in the colon, it also removes the GOOD BACTERIA from the gut BUT the good bacteria is recreated in about 24-36 hours so I just took it upon myself to go grab a kombucha afterwards to introduce healthy bacteria back into my system.
10 Minutes after I left from my appointment I felt super energized.
I also noticed that I didn’t have to go to the bathroom for the following two days and the physician said that this is normal. It wasn’t like I couldn’t go, I just didn’t have to and she said it was because my colon was empty.
The best thing to notice though was that my stomach was FLAT. I’m talking FLAT FLAT.
This picture was taken the morning before my colonic and then the morning AFTER my colonic.
Overall, the process isn’t bad at all and I think it is totally worth it. Colonics are SO good for you because they wash away the toxins that build up in your colon over your lifetime and leave your colon clean and fresh.
Colonics are also known to treat:
+ Skin Conditions
and lots more.
A lot of people will have their negative opinions about colonics but I heard enough positive things about it and have now done it for myself three times and have experienced nothing but amazing results in the way I look and more importantly, FEEL.
I suggest looking on groupon because that’s what I did and there are some really good deals. I got two for 100.00 so i did one 7 days into my cleanse and then another one the day after my two week cleanse ended.
I didn’t feel like it was necessary to make two appointments back to back like that but my girl said that it was actually extremely helpful and it would allow us to get more into the small colon.
So that’s it! Don’t be nervous, like I said I highly suggest it!
Let me know if you have any questions!